the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
