i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
