You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
