i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
