i think my mom watched the whole time
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
