She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
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i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
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I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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