You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
