Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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