I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
