I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
