i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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