I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
