seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
