If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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