I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
you never un-have a 4some
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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