I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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