I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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