Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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