you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
