His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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