I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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