so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Randomize
