at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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