At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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