First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You are the jesus of drinking
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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