he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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