Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
