is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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