I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
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You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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