I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I met the friendliest cop last night
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
