Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
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They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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