i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
