Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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