The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
God, I missed his penis.
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