ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
