They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
