Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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