I accidentally burped into my bong.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
