so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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