soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
