I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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