I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have poison ivy on my dick
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?