mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important