Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child