just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
