Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(303): View more from Colorado

The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(303): The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period. http://tfl.nu/nrl7

Replies (6) Good night (2199) Bad night (750)
Favorite
(207): View more from Maine

there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(207): there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW. http://tfl.nu/2lyk

Replies (11) Good night (2234) Bad night (611)
Favorite
(828): View more from North Carolina

There's a dead frog in my kitchen?

(402): View more from Nebraska

Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.

(402): View more from Nebraska

The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(828): There's a dead frog in my kitchen? (402): Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush. (402): The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all" http://tfl.nu/9htk

Replies (34) Good night (2210) Bad night (4777)
Favorite
(917): View more from New York City

WISH UPON A TAMPON

(718): View more from New York

They constantly get farther than me.

(718): View more from New York

tampons.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(917): WISH UPON A TAMPON (718): They constantly get farther than me. (718): tampons. http://tfl.nu/tcn2

Replies (45) Good night (745) Bad night (3732)
Favorite
(416): View more from Toronto

No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(416): No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up. http://tfl.nu/0i7a

Replies (14) Good night (4760) Bad night (2842)
Favorite
(661): View more from California

fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(661): fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn. http://tfl.nu/6ro6

Replies (5) Good night (3455) Bad night (697)
Favorite
(612): View more from Minnesota

I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(612): I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods. http://tfl.nu/4jr6

Replies (11) Good night (1159) Bad night (511)
Favorite
(847): View more from Illinois

She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(847): She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid. http://tfl.nu/spee

Replies (3) Good night (1063) Bad night (475)
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it. http://tfl.nu/ks3m

Replies (3) Good night (801) Bad night (417)
Favorite
(407): View more from Florida

If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(407): If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store http://tfl.nu/imig

Replies (7) Good night (1771) Bad night (421)
Favorite
(+52): View more from Mexico

I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+52): I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth http://tfl.nu/hxek

Replies (2) Good night (317) Bad night (650)
Favorite
(850): View more from Florida

she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(850): she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top... http://tfl.nu/vvwb

Replies (3) Good night (322) Bad night (765)
Favorite
(702): View more from Nevada

Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(702): Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic http://tfl.nu/uomd

Replies (0) Good night (408) Bad night (536)
Favorite
(503): View more from Oregon

I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(503): I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating http://tfl.nu/0246

Replies (4) Good night (631) Bad night (284)
Favorite
(412): View more from Pennsylvania

we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(412): we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him http://tfl.nu/r5so

Replies (3) Good night (361) Bad night (164)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard