He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby