I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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