If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
