We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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