Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
