Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
