Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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