The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
my poor anus
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
