can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
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that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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