Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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