I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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