I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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