Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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