I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
