I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize