everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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