I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
