dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
