Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
