Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
