my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
