R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
