the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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