so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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